Out of Reach

The Arabian sun will be waving its morning greetings soon but I am still awake because sleep evades me.

Someone close to my heart will be leaving soon. For good.

It’s true that people in our lives just come and go. But what if the person who will leave holds dear to you? And you know very well that that person will not coming back ever again. You will no longer see him or just watch him from afar. You can’t even steal glances and sigh.

The very thought of these are unbearable. But truth is to be told, no matter how painful it may seem.

What makes it all the more deafening is just watching that person go, unable to move like a spectator in a football game. Even when you saw a foul play in a game of your favorite football team and everybody else seems defiant, you can’t do anything about it. You may scream your heart out, but no one will hear you. Nobody will care. Because you have no right. You are only a Spectator.

And who am I to tell to that person not to leave? I don’t even have the courage to say goodbye to him. He’s life has all been intricately planned like a blueprint of the best Architect in the world, God. I can’t just barge in and ruin such plan.

The least I can do is to be happy for him and be thankful to have met a beautiful person like him. He may be out of my sight, I may not be hear his voice, see his smile, get in touch with him, or eventhough all these senses will be gone, I know that memories will be heightened. My memories of him may not be as rich as compared to his memories with others, I am still thankful that I have some of it to hold and to cherish.

It hurts to say goodbye but I have to face it. He may not know how much he means to me but a little of his affection that he has given me is more than enough.

I will truly miss him.

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Self Deprivation: An Art?

If self deprivation is an art, then I must be a master of it.

I have mastered the art of saying NO for countless of times but I am not expecting that I will say the word over and over again for the past couple of weeks.

Even until now, I am still mustering every inch of my courage to resist the temptation in front of me. There were times that I was close to folding my claws and mimic like a lost kitten.

Surrendering.

Yielding.

But then, an over familiar feeling enveloped my being and this lost kitten transformed into a panther once again spreading its claws and attacking anyone who dared to touched me.

Transfixed.

Well guarded.

Locked.

Secured.

So I will just continue to contain my emotions and use all my will power to say those two letter word which deprived me from everything but Happiness.

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oiR (Post dated: February 21, 2009)

First love,
first kiss,
and perhaps a treasured smile.

Laughter,
resounding,
sweet,
a touched so tender.

With loving, caring,
my only love
amazing, pure. 
With a heart so sure.

Protects,
trusts,
the sunrays
for my sky.

The one I think of,
my shelter and desire.
His presence I crave,
His touched I love.

He shares my life.
So sweet and dear
so very near. 

My very breath and soul,
so tall and magnificent.
his love unfading.
Watching, dreaming, hoping.
Building a dream life.
Reaching the triumphs.

Beloved hand, 
which healed my scars,
stopped my tears.
Warm loving heart
for my weary soul.
My one true love.

How lucky I am 
to have you
someone sweet
and dear to my heart.

Lucky to have you
etched in my heart.
Branded in my soul
forever in my hand
and in my mind.