‘Coz Dying Isn’t Everything

I woke up with only one thought in mind, “What is the best way to die?”

You might not have thought about this but I got my own reasons why I have to.

So I have come up with some ideas that you might need to brush it off.

1. Since I have the tendency of becoming overdramatic sometimes, cutting my wrist is the number one option for me. Being a nurse gives me a great edge over others, too. I know exactly where to cut. That annoying artery which is pulsing nonstop, either threadily, weakly or strongly. I am wondering how much drama it will cause if somebody will see me lying in bed, dripping with my own blood.

2. I am so fond of accessories especially necklaces that I might consider hanging myself with a pearl necklace I recently bought. Wouldn’t it be great to have a permanent mark of pearl necklace on your neck?

3. Drowning is not the best option for me but I should write it down anyway. ‘Coz this method doesn’t have a 100% success rate. Aside for the fact that it destroys my lungs and other internal organs, I might actually survive. But with all those complications from drowning myself. And if I am lucky enough, somebody out from nowhere might save me. A Knight in shining armor saving a damsel in distress. Phyically distress, I mean.

4. Shooting myself with a revolver. But I don’t like the idea of having a hole in my head. Good thing I don’t have a revolver with me, so my dilemma is somewhat has been solved. Not unless, I will use a watergun. But my brilliant mind is telling me that it belongs to Option Number 3. So, yeah. I don’t want to shatter my brain I should have not put this as one of my options.

5. Jumping off the bridge. But I might die having a heart attack, because basically I am afraid of heights.

6. Get hit by a speeding car. Would it be a sports car? A bus? Or a train? But it is so frustrating to think that even during my death, I am still giving burden to somebody.

7. Not waking up from sleep. Or in medical term, Acute Pancreatitis. It’s like you sleep that peaceful night never knowing that you wouldn’t be able to wake up anymore. Like some Disney Princesses such as Snow White and Sleeping Beauty. But this is actually not an option because I can’t control this thing. Not unless, I will take the pills. And I don’t like the taste of all the medicines.

So, with all these lists causing me so much dilemma, I decided not to die. And just live.

Facing the struggles of living, for me, is way much better than all those troubles of dying.


A Not So Perfect World

There is no such thing as a peaceful, clear and bright world. Sometimes it will rain, sometimes there will be fights, and sometimes it will hurt. But that doesn’t mean that you can’t live in that world.

Like the rising and the setting sun, steadfast and faithfully, I will wait for you.


That Woman

That woman’s mouth is like a broken faucet in a mountain village. Not a single drop comes out when it’s needed. Just like a faulty faucet that only works in the silence of the night, all the words that she wasn’t able to say at that moment comes pouring out after the moment was gone.

Next time I’ll make sure to respond like this, this is how I am going to retort to the comments…

Coz that woman always speaks the most impressive lines when she’s alone in her room.


I Kiss You Adieu

Charles Dickens once described March as “a summer in the light and a winter in the shade.”

Indeed, this month has brought me comforting warmth and a soothing coolness.

Half of the time, when I was in the dark contemplating, I was yet again transformed into an introvert little girl, unsure of everything. Isolating myself from the world around me. But my solitude is like a soothing shade from the blinding light. True enough to the words in Desidarata, “Consider what peace there may be in silence.”

Then together with my friends, we sparkle our own light, sharing the warmth of togetherness. Weaving memories of lasting friendship.

And as this month is coming to an end, I thank God for giving me the light as well as for taking me in darkness. And thus, I kiss March ADIEU.