Happy New Year

I was supposed to write a lot during this season but things never turned out the way I planned. I was caught in the middle of something almost all the time and either I am too happy or too sad to write.

Today, I was finally ready to write my last post for the year and I have to say goodbye with a few lines.

Goodbye, 2013. I will miss you for sure but I am also glad that you have come to an end.

2013 was a crazy roller coaster ride.

I hit the bottom and at the same time, touched the sky. It was a year full of hope and despair, struggles and victories, sadness and joy.

I had some of everything and a little of something.

During the coming year I want to be me. Every year, I always tell this to myself but this time around I will redefine me. I want a happier version of me.

I know that I am different and my happiness is somewhere else.

Somewhere other than being here.

There is definitely something else that I wanted to do with my life.

So this 2014, I will follow the path towards my dream, no matter where it take me. Fear is not an option. I have the soul of a butterfly and butterflies need to fly to feel alive. I promise to spread my wings.

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So I’m sending you my best wishes for 2014.

May you remember to spread those wings and reach for the sky. But when you faltered and cry, may you remember to fix those broken wings and never give up to bounce back all over again.

And as you reach up to the sky, remember to always place your feet on the ground. ‘Coz you will never know when you will stumble and fall.

Happy New Year, Everyone!

And oh! Here’s Oppa Min Ho sending you his wishes. ♥

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To my Oppa Lee Min Ho, I wish you success on your upcoming movie, Gangnam Blues. I hope that you will soon reach your dream, to be an International Actor. ♚

Saranghae

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“Our lips are merely the messengers of our heart. The words flow out of what’s inside us.” -Boys Meets Girl by Joshua Harrison

If I say it in a different language, would you still recognize my heart?

Tto daleun saranghae waseo geuleohge joyonghi ma-eum-eul huchin..

With You Beside Me

Lee Min Ho FanFiction

Min Ho’s POV

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I am staring into the blue sky watching the scattered clouds moving away slowly. The breeze was blowing gently. I am still lying on the soft grass after raising with Jas moments before. I felt alive as I ran through the field with her. It was a good feeling.

I could see her from the corner of my eye as she stood a little distance from where I am lying, talking on the phone.

I closed my eyes as I let my thoughts drift by. I realized that I was strangely drawn to her. There is just something endearing about her.

I remember how I had seen a picture of this place on a brochure I picked up from the hotel desk and wanting to visit it. And today, the first person I thought of coming here with was her.

What could be the reason? I still can’t figure it out. Why do I want to know more about her? I mean we just met like yesterday and I can’t deny that I had a great time with her. But what else do I know about her? Other than she is a big fan and she came from a place thousand of miles away. Why do I feel like I have known her for a long time and when I am with her, I am just myself and nothing else seems to matter. I smiled remembering the small sketchpad she handed me this morning. It was a picture of me her younger brother had sketched. Moments like that always give me inspiration to do better.

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I closed my eyes with a smile lingering on my face and let my thoughts drift me to sleep.

Jas’s POV

I finished my short chat with my sister on the phone as we catch up since my last conversation with her. I told her about the  flight that I had later this evening. And Mom, of course.

I’m supposed to stay at her house in Brunei. She lives with her Bruneian husband and they now have a cute little angel whom I completely adore.

I came back to find him still lying on the grass with his hands clasped above his chest but this time he had already put on his jacket as the weather gets colder. His eyes were already closed.

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I silently scolded myself for wanting to touch his eyelashes. How can a man gets long lashes like that? Shaking my head in disbelief, I quietly sat down next to him without making any sounds.

Was he sleeping? I thought. I could see his chest rise and fall with every breath he took.  His handsome face is relaxed and calm. I sat next to him silently watching and smiling to myself.

I still can’t believe that I am with this man. We met only yesterday and it seems to me that I have known him for a long time. I say that I was lucky to stay in the same hotel where he is staying on his Asian Tour for the album ‘My Everything’ here in the Philippines. He had managed to work out with his manager and Starhaus Entertainment to leave quietly after his scheduled departure to Malaysia so people won’t know his plans.

I remember the first time he has spoken to me in English. I was so surprised to see him in the elevator of the hotel I am staying for the night. He was wearing a cap and an aviator big enough to cover his face, not wanting to draw attention from the public. But I have already memorized every inches of his face that I can recognized him even with my eyes closed.

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Surprisingly, he was speaking it well. I read somewhere that he was taking English lessons. He sure is comfortable speaking it now. And of course, I wouldn’t mind speaking to him in Hangeul since I know some general conversation about it. I smiled sheepishly as I remember those late nights I have laboriously studied the Korean letters, their pronounciation and some common words and phrases.

I stared at him again. He was looking so handsome and serene with his eyes closed. Nobody will believe me when I tell them I am seeing him like this. I should pinch myself to see if I am dreaming again. Maybe I will wake up lying flat on my bed.

I am lost in my thoughts when he suddenly opens his eyes. Those beautifully perfect eyes staring back at me.

“I didn’t realized that you came back. Were you sitting beside me for long?”

“Aniyo. I just came back.”

I lied. Not wanting to let him know that I was sitting there for longer than he thought, looking at him.

He smiled as he got up and sat, stretching his hands.

“A call from home?” He asked me.

“Umm.. My sister..” I replied. Remembering my conversation with her just a while ago involving my Mom. Waves of sadness suddenly engulfed me but I fight back those thoughts and forced a winning smile.

“Hey. Kwaenchana?” (Are you alright?)

I stared at him with a worried look painted all over his handsome face. Had he noticed it? It was something I have become good in hiding. How did he see it. I was struggling with words for my response.

“Ne. Kwaenchanaeyo.. (Yeah. I’m okay.)  I.. I.. was reminded of something, from the past and it was sort of overwhelmed me.”

I told him without meeting his gaze not revealing the details. It was a memory I had burried somewhere deep in my mind.

“Let me tell you something..”

I heard him telling me sensing my hesitation to talk about it.

“You know, few years back I was involved in a car accident and I hurt myself pretty badly injuring my arms and legs. I was in hospital bed for around six months. It was a difficult time for me. I remember feeling hopeless and sad. I was scared and I thought that I will never be able to walk again. But gradually, with the help of doctors and nurses like you, I recovered and I got through the period. And you know what I learned from it?” He asked me and I looked at him wondering.

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“To be stronger and to never give up. When I was a kid, I wanted to be a national football player. But because of the incident, I was being refrained to do such activities. I have faith in myself and I continue to follow my dreams and worked hard not letting the incident hold me back. Life is precious. And, see me? I played football once in a while and I even tried to do some water sports. I even raced you and won today.”

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He told me with a gentle smile. I remembered his recent Kdrama, The Heirs, he was surfing, playing with the California waves.

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I was touched realizing that he had shared it with me. It was something very personal. He seemed to know that I was going through an emotional turmoil somewhere deep without me telling him.

“Kamsahamnida, Min Ho-ssi. I don’t know what to say. And you are right. I have to learn to accept and let go of my past and be stronger. Thank you for sharing it with me. I am feeling better now… Sincha kumaweoyo.”

I told him genuinely as our eyes met. At that moment, the warmth of his eyes seem to overcome the forebearing feelings that has been disturbing me for a while. Min Ho ssi, if only I could share it all with you. I thought. Those painful deep memories keep resurfacing now and then as hard as I try to forget them.

‘But sitting here next to you, it seem insignificant. The feeling with you beside me is making it disappear.’ I sighed and stared blanky in to the sky.

People, Paper and Pen

As I am  rereading my notes, I have come across to this. I didn’t realize until now that I still have a backlog. An unwritten details of my life.

I can’t even remember what I am trying to convey through these words. I don’t know what I was feeling or going through at that moment and made me write this phrase.

And no matter how much I keep on trying to reminisce, I can’t. I just can’t remember.

Just like those moments left unsaid, unwritten, forever forgotten, there are people who have completely disappeared in our life. We might not even remember why and how it happened. Was our grip too tight? Are we the one who decided to let them go? Or are we the ones they have left behind?

Like pages we have torn into pieces,  there are people who have gone separately in our lives for our own good. It might be because we are no longer growing when we are with them. Or they are to us. That our association with each other gives us extreme emotions, be it too much sadness or remorse, thus making our life  futile. Even a tweak from them affects us singlehandedly in more ways than we could have imagined… A completely diaphanous life. All we have to do is to leave those broken pieces behind and start a brand new life and surround ourselves with people who not only inspires us but are with us all through the way.

There are moments of our life that we have meticulously written down on a piece of paper. But no matter how much we treasured and relived those moments, it still vanished within our grasps. Just like the moon disappears at the breaking of the dawn, the ink will soon fade away in the water. People we have come to love so dearly that no matter how much we hold on to them, they just slipped away from us. But their spirits still live with us. Leaving us only fragments of those mem’ries. Memories of the people we have placed securely deep inside our hearts and cherished them forever. Secretly praying to God that no matter what will happen, that person and the memories that comes with that person will still linger deep within our heart. Like our very soul is wedded to it. Forever etched in our heart.

There are also people in our life that we thought we have lost along the road but still find their way to us. It was like finding an old diary you have when you were in high school. You can’t even remember most of the memories you had during those times but once you start rereading those yellow pages, the memories came pouring in. The memories are so vivid you thought it happened only yesterday. Just like when you found that person back, an empty whole inside your heart have been filled. It was like finding your own self in this complex world. Loosing that person and gaining that person back again is perhaps one of the best blessing we will receive. Making us treaure that very person even more. Vowing that nothing will ever separate you that person again.

But fate intervenes, and we realized that the people around us can’t be with us forever. Time will come that nature will take its course and we will soon find ourselves alone ‘again’. Coz nature has its own way of putting back the things as they are in the beginning. Originally, man is alone in nature.

We must learn to stand on our own ground. ‘Man has its own two feet to stand on. Our own human trinity to see us through.’ Wisdom, Love and Faith. Wisdom to put God at the center of our being. Love to our Almighty Survivor. Faith to trust in Him and believe that everything that happened, is happening and will happen is in God’s own accord. Fir the First plus the Second equals the Third.

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